Becoming a Man of Fear
As a young boy I remember being lonely quite often, the days seemed to drag on forever in the congestion of my large metropolitan city. The simple pleasures of shooting imaginary men in my backyard while I pretended to scale a ravine that wasn’t really there, seeing it in my mind; went unnoticed by my family. It wasn’t until I started high school that my family had noticed a sudden, drastic shift in my moods and thoughts, lashing out in anger more frequently than as a child, and that’s saying a lot. One doesn’t understand low self-esteem in the early stages of their lives, (psychologists say the age of 5 is the age a person becomes consciously aware of their surroundings) it’s not until years of abuse and ridicule caused by negative self labeling that the mind peeks out from hibernation to destroy a person.
Walking through the crowds of people in the large covered halls of high school, the smell of fear ran its course in my mind. Intensely I began to shake and twitch as others spoke to me, this had never happened before. Junior year, for the first time in my life I began to see and notice how poorly I thought of myself. I was meeting people who were, “smarter” than me, and that was terrifying. I’m going to call her Brooke, her beautiful sun shown blonde hair flowing so effortlessly in the wind as I sat behind her, we joked until the bell rang. We never had any sexual tension, always just friends, nothing more. She would tell me to “talk faster” , “don’t be so quiet”, not realizing the hurt that her unfiltered words would have on my life in the long scheme of year to come.
a man at war
Self-esteem makes up the beliefs that you have about yourself, these beliefs give way to an emotional release inside your body which causes you to act them out in society. The underlying fact is, what you think about yourself will conceive your self-esteem within yourself, be that positive or negative interpretations.
a man of habits
a man of books
a man of positive esteem
The outdated habits of spouting off, “I am not smart”, “I can’t-do this”, were transformed into healthier actions of, “I need to find another way”, ” I choose to act confident and disregard what other people say about me.” Years would pass, adding more books of self-esteem than I can count on two hands to my library was the best thing I did for myself back then.
Self esteem quotes filled my computer screen daily and from then on I focused on joyful aspirations towards my future. “No one can make you (me) feel inferior without your (my) consent.”-Eleanor Roosevelt.
Learning that if I was to go somewhere far greater than where I had been stuck for my whole life, I would have to find a purpose to my life, a purpose for living. Isn’t that what people with low self-esteem lack, a purpose for living life? Managing this new purpose of wanting to help others succeed has given me the ability to think clearly and write so ferociously.
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Howdy, I'm Parker
I am a man who doesn’t give up. I write unscripted material for guiding you and myself through a journey to reach the World Class.
Often using my skills as a storyteller in a way that is helpful to you in your life's journey.
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