Becoming a Man of Fear
As a young boy I remember being lonely quite often, the days seemed to drag on forever in the congestion of my large metropolitan city. The simple pleasures of shooting imaginary men in my backyard while I pretended to scale a ravine that wasn’t really there, seeing it in my mind; went unnoticed by my family. It wasn’t until I started high school that my family had noticed a sudden, drastic shift in my moods and thoughts, lashing out in anger more frequently than as a child, and that’s saying a lot. One doesn’t understand low self-esteem in the early stages of their lives, (psychologists say the age of 5 is the age a person becomes consciously aware of their surroundings) it’s not until years of abuse and ridicule caused by negative self labeling that the mind peeks out from hibernation to destroy a person.
Walking through the crowds of people in the large covered halls of high school, the smell of fear ran its course in my mind. Intensely I began to shake and twitch as others spoke to me, this had never happened before. Junior year, for the first time in my life I began to see and notice how poorly I thought of myself. I was meeting people who were, “smarter” than me, and that was terrifying. I’m going to call her Brooke, her beautiful sun shown blonde hair flowing so effortlessly in the wind as I sat behind her, we joked until the bell rang. We never had any sexual tension, always just friends, nothing more. She would tell me to “talk faster” , “don’t be so quiet”, not realizing the hurt that her unfiltered words would have on my life in the long scheme of year to come.
A Man at War
At the dawning of everyday I woke to the creation of my own despair within my thoughts, I was purposely filling my mind with dread and worry. Constantly murmuring, “I am not good enough”, “I talk to slow, who will be my friend?” Naturally, I felt the shame of powerlessness in simple everyday life. To define my self-esteem at this point was to go back over 15 years of my life and gather all the painful, thrashing blows which I personally took upon myself, after the constant bullying from others. If not for the snarled, fierce looks I caught from the people who disproved of my existence, I wouldn’t be writing to you about personal growth. I can be thankful for that.
Self esteem makes up the beliefs that you have about yourself, these beliefs give way to an emotional release inside your body which causes you to act them out in society. The underlying fact is, what you think about yourself will conceive your self-esteem within yourself, be that positive or negative interpretations.
A Man of Habits
Growing older, I have seen the harmful effects that negative self-esteem issues have had on my life as a whole. If it hadn’t been for low self-esteem I wouldn’t have my wonderful blogs, nor would I be so fascinatingly passionate about helping others succeed in their own growth. Factoring in 25 the years of neglect on my happy psyche I finally began to work on habits of positive change for myself. I taught myself, often forced myself to read books on personal development, later I would seek help from a therapist who came to change my entire way of thinking as a whole. Literally, I started replacing one bad habit (thought) at a time with habits that had brought huge success to others. This was what I was created for, writing to help others like you, like myself, overcome the challenges we all face in forcing unrelenting, nagging labels on our selves, through the faults of our parents and generations before us.
A Man of Books
Last I remember, the bible had over 6.5 Billion copies in print and has sold over 5 billion copies to readers that span the entire global hemisphere, making it the best-selling book of all time. Not so unbelievable to the faithful Christian who knows that the Bible is all God inspired work. He provides His people with Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth. Really, His secrets to living a fulfilling life for His people. Deducing through internet information that there have been over 180 trillion people on the planet since B.C. when the population was 2. Yes, the two in the garden, this is a small percentage of people buying His book. The bible has been far more profitable to me in my journey to excellence than any other book written on the topic of becoming my best self. Another book instrumental to my growth has been James Allen’s, As a man thinketh. Hundreds of truth nuggets fill all 80 pages (depending on what copy you have) of his book dealing with human thought. making a conscious effort to think positive in all situations would prove to be a powerful tool in my growth as a man.
A Man of Positive Esteem
The outdated habits of spouting off, “I am not smart”, “I can’t do this”, were transformed into healthier actions of, “I need to find another way”, ” I choose to act confident and disregard what other people say about me.” Years would pass, adding more books of self-esteem than I can count on two hands to my library was the best thing I did for myself back then.
Self esteem quotes filled my computer screen daily and from then on I focused on joyful aspirations towards my future. “No one can make you (me) feel inferior without your (my) consent.”-Eleanor Roosevelt.
Learning that if I was to go somewhere far greater than where I had been stuck for my whole life, I would have to find a purpose to my life, a purpose for living. Isn’t that what people with low self-esteem lack, a purpose for living life? Managing this new purpose of wanting to help others succeed has given me the ability to think clearly and write so ferociously. It was Nietzsche who said, “The man without a purpose is like a ship without a rudder.”
Carnival Participants Writing on Self-Esteem
|Seeing Life in Perspective in mental illness/
ministries/random interviews/just blogging in general.|